Once again, I woke up in the middle of the night flooded with ideas of things I want to do, make, and write about. A familiar voice deep inside of me said “This is too overwhelming, there are too many ideas here to possibly even capture, you will spin out of control and create an oceanic vomit of confusion if you even attempt to start writing… safer to do none of it. You have tried this before…. you always fail. Calm down and go back to sleep instead.”
This overwhelmed-with-creativity voice that says “You are too much, nobody understands you, better to stay small and tidy” needs a name, and I’m taking suggestions.
What happened next: At 5am I decided to get up and start writing anyway. I bounced out of bed, relieved to be up and so inspired!
I felt sweaty and still had the ocean salt and sand from last night on my legs. I knew that I’d feel better if I could sneak in a shower before my kids woke up, so I jumped in the shower to rinse off. Filled with excitement and ideas, I decided to try to meditate first to still my mind. I set up a little candle and a mat and flipped through three meditation apps exploring each one. Then I did a short 10 minute unguided with the candle and experienced vivid visuals.
Next, I sat down to write. I had to pick which app to use…. was I about to journal or blog? I read about some on my phone for the 100th time and relatively quickly (for me) settled on committing to Evernote after reading a great set of posts by Michael Hyatt. I downloaded the app and made coffee.
At that point, I’d been out of bed for about two hours. It was 7am and the kids were still not up. “Good,” I thought, “I can still do this.”
I opened my computer, and the first thing I saw was a search for a piano I was running on Craigslist. I got distracted and decided to search some more, then ask for advice about the decision on Facebook.
Finally, I got my focus back and opened up a new note. That got me here, writing about all of the things that get in the way when we feel inspired to create.
I’m going to call this pattern Creative Constipation. It’s what happens when I have SO many ideas backed up in me that I’m scared to let them out—scared it will hurt and make a mess.
I want to reflect on the reasons this back up occurs and what lessons we can learn from bodily blockages that also apply to spiritual and intellectual ones like this. I’ll follow up on this once I’ve had a little more time to think. In the meantime, does anyone else experience creative constipation like this? What do you do to find release and relief?